Crawling
by Anime Angel8
Summary: Songfic* the events between Hikou and Chichiri in OAV 2 told from three different points of view


Well, this is my second FY fic in how many days? LOL no worries though, I'm already working on the second chapter to Rebirth. I was listening to my MP3's and thinking god this song would be great for a FY fanfic! This is my very first angst fic, and my very first songfic to boot! So yay for me ^_^ Oh yeah there are SPOILERS for the series, so no read if you don't want to know what happened.   
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Fushigi Yuugi or Crawling , Yu Watase and Linkin Park own those. I have merely borrowed them for the purposes of this fic.   
WARNING: possible hints of shonen ai (m/m love), I will let you interpret it as you wish.   
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Chichiri looked out over the surface of the pond, trying to enjoy the stillness of the night. They were between battles for the moment and, even with their recent failure to summon Suzaku, Chichiri felt confident that they would succeed. Tasuki, Miaka and Nuriko were all out at the stargazing festival, Tamahome and Mitsukake were who knows where, Chiriko was asleep, and Hotohori was doing whatever it was that emperors do. This left Chichiri alone, brooding over his earlier conversation with Miaka._ Maybe I shouldn't have told her, no da_. He hadn't meant to burden her with his past, he had merely been trying to give her some advice on her situation. He felt tears come to his good eye and begin to flow underneath the mask. He looked around before taking it off, unwilling to publicly expose his scared face. _Even after all these years, it still haunts me._ _I loved them both so much, and when it really mattered I couldn't save either of them._ He gazed up at the stars, which began to blur under the strength of his sadness. He felt his face crumple and he was grateful there was no one to see him cry.   
_Hikou, wherever you are, I'm sorry. I hope you're happy.___

**Crawling in my skin**   
**These wounds, they will not heal**   
** Fear is how I fall**   
** Confusing what is real******

Hikou bowed down before Tenkou, rage, confusion, and uncertainty battled within him. He was a demon now, with the help of Tenkou, he had the power to take revenge for EVERYTHING. His death, Kouran's death, it had all been Houjun's fault . . .and he would pay dearly.__

_He didn't kill me, he tried to save me_ some part of his mind spoke softly in the back of his mind. 

No! Houjun had let go! He had lived and Hikou had died. 

_He loved me, he loved Kouran._

_Kouran chose him over me, they both abandoned me! I hate him! I hate him for making her love him!___

_But I love him too.___

"Are you well, my servant?" Hikou looked up nervously, afraid that he had betrayed himself to Tenkou. It didn't matter how he felt anymore, it was far too late to change his destiny. And soon Chichiri, as he called himself, would feel the power of Hikou's rage. It would begin with the seishi Tasuki, the one closest to Chichiri. . . 

** There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface**   
** Consuming, confusing**   
** This lack of self control I fear is never ending**   
** Controlling**   
Tasuki saw water.   
And then . . .he saw himself take Miaka. He saw himself kiss her, push her down, hold her wrists . . .   
_What am I doing?_   
He heard himself speak to Miaka. "I'll make you stop crying." He thought he heard Miaka say stop.   
_No, this is wrong! I'm the one making Miaka cry._   
He felt his power rise as he confronted his fellow seishi, intending to destroy them.   
_I have to stop this, these are my friends. Miaka is my friend._   
You want her, the voice in his head told him.   
_No! I don't want this! I won't betray them!_   
"Rekka Shinen!" And the world erupted in flame . . .****

** I can't seem**   
** To find myself again**   
** My walls are closing in**   
** (Without a sense of confidence I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)**   
** I've felt this way before**   
** So insecure******

Chichiri lay in bed, listening to the others talk. It had been Hikou that had possessed Tasuki and attacked him, Hikou that had caused so much pain. He softly told the others the story of his past, they had a right to know, even if it meant betraying his own weakness. He hadn't expected them to be so understanding, to promise after all of that to stand by him. Perhaps it had been foolish, but he had assumed that they would condemn him, just as he condemned himself.   
He knew that they would try to fight with him and that's why he would go alone, sneak off before the others had a chance to follow him. This was his fight, and no matter what happened he wasn't going to fail Hikou a second time.   
"You're going after him aren't you?" The voice stopped him before he got even a foot past the door. He didn't have to turn around to know that it was Tasuki. They had been together for over two years and he could feel Tasuki's presence as keenly as he could feel his own. He supposed he shouldn't be surprised that Tasuki knew him so well, but he still was. He heard Tasuki berate himself for his actions and he reached out to try to comfort him, especially in the face of his overwhelming sense of guilt. He looked over at Taka, who had decided to join them.   
"You realize," he said softly, "I might not be able to protect you this time."   
****

** Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me**   
** Distracting, reacting**   
** Against my will I stand beside my own reflection**   
** It's haunting how I can't seem...******

"Do it Tasuki! Set fire to my cape, it's the only way to stop him." Tasuki felt his breath catch . . .he COULDN'T mean . . .   
"Don't ask me that." Tasuki said softly, clutching his tessen in front of him. He couldn't kill Chichiri, he loved him, he couldn't kill him . .   
"The water preasure will do kill me anyway, just DO it!"   
"Damn it! This is just like that time . ." Tasuki said brokenly as images of Chiriko's suicide filled his mind. He cried bitterly as he raised his tessen up, as if in a salute. He dimly saw Taka run towards them as he said the words "Lekka Shinen" . . . 

** To find myself again**   
** My walls are closing in**   
** (Without a sense of confidence I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)**   
** I've felt this way before**   
** So insecure******

"She never betrayed you, she loved you." Hikou said to him softly, feeling releaved to finally be able to tell him the truth. Houjun knelt above him crying. It was strange but Hikou had never realized his death had hurt Houjun so much. "I just wanted to feel her warmth, just once." He confessed softly, filled with guilt. It had been his fault, not Houjun's. His fault for everything. And after all that Houjun had still been willing to die for him. Hikou suddenly saw how undeserving he was of Houjun's friendship, how completely selfish he had been.   
"I was not your best friend." He whispered softly, as he felt himself loose control of his body.   
_I'm sorry . . .Houjun._   
**** ****

** There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface**   
** Consuming, confusing**   
** This lack of self control I fear is never ending**   
** Controlling**


End file.
